Here’s a list of what not to say to a pregnant woman about her body, plus some some sassy responses for my parents-to-be!
I gotta rant about something. What the actual F is up with everyone needing to make comments to pregnant people about their bodies? Does every meal with an expectant parent need to revolve around the size or shape of their belly? Is that kind of information that imperative to your relationship with the parent or their unborn child?
Would you make the same comment to someone who wasn’t pregnant?
When I was in my third trimester with my boys, I can attest that people LOVE to say shit to pregnant people about their bodies. They also like to touch, pat, and squeeze them like they would a grapefruit at Whole Foods. Even when it comes from a loving place, comments about pregnant people’s bodies are unsolicited, inappropriate and often just downright rude. Hello, it’s someone’s ACTUAL growing body, not dinner table talk. Even when you’re thrilled to be pregnant (trust me, I WAS!), it can be really hard to watch your body grow and change so rapidly. Hearing comments, even well-intentioned ones, can really hurt.
Well if you’ve never been pregnant (or even if you have and you’ve forgotten how annoying this kind of stuff is), I wanted to share a few wee pieces of advice that will help you navigate what not to say to a pregnant woman about her body. And for my fellow parents-to-be, next time you get one of these remarks, here’s how to respond to them.
What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman About Her Body
“How much weight have you gained so far? Is that normal?!”
Why this line sucks: Do you ask non-pregnant people how much weight they’ve gained in a short period of time? No, because you’re not a total dick. Maybe the person feels bad about the pace that they’ve gained that weight, whether it’s been faster or slower than what all of the apps suggest is “normal”. You really don’t know where that person sits in their relationship with their body, and for all you know, they could be BARELY holding on.
How to reply: This is at the top of the list of what not to say to a pregnant woman for a reason. My response was always, “Oh I don’t even know, the doctor says baby is all good and I’m just listening to my body’s needs. That’s all that matters to me!”
“OMG you’re so tiny for X weeks!”
Why this sucks: I know people mean well when they tell you you’re small since being skinny is still seen as socially desirable (apparently even while pregnant!), but again, what if this parent is worried about the small size of their belly? What if they’re unsure if this means their babe is not growing well or there’s something physically wrong? What if something IS physically wrong and they really doesn’t want to have to get into it with you?
How to reply: You can divert to the prior answer, or if you’re feeling sassy say, “Oh I didn’t know you were looking so closely at my body!” Ta da, the trolls have been officially shut down.
“Oh wow, are you sure you’re due in X weeks? You already look like you’re going to pop!”
Why this sucks: Yes, OBVIOUSLY we know our due date. And yes, we OBVIOUSLY are not wanting to hear that we look like a Mack Truck well before our time.
How to reply: You can go with a polite, “Ha, yep, we’re going to have a big baby!” or a quick and dirty “STFU” with a smile. Your choice.
“Are you sure it’s not twins?”
Why this sucks: Oh lord, again, this is ridiculous. No one has thankfully ever said this to me, but I know a lot of people who have heard it. If we were having twins and knew it, we would definitely tell you so you wouldn’t be such a total douche. Even if the offender means well, asking if you’re having twins is telling someone that they’re OBVIOUSLY looking huge. Just no.
How to Reply: This one is easy, I would say, “NOPE, just one bad ass baby!”
“Your boobs are HUGE! Do you love it?”
Why this sucks: Don’t assume that all people want big boobs. Honestly, it might make some women (oh HEY THERE) uncomfortable to have to constantly be buying bigger bras, wondering if it will ever stop or slow down. Boobs may be a socially acceptable place for people to gain fat, but that doesn’t mean it’s open season to comment.
How to Reply: “Ha, well thanks for looking so carefully at my chest!” You 1: body shamers 0.
“How far along are you? You must be about X weeks!”
Why this sucks: Don’t try to guess how far along someone is. I see this “game” get played on a ton of my pregnancy Facebook groups and I cringe every single time I see someone guess a week that is really off. If you tell me I look full term, when I’m legit only 23 weeks, I’m probably going to want to punch you in the face.
How to Reply: “Nope, I’m only X weeks, but everyone is different in how they carry. I have still got a lot longer to enjoy the free foot massages and ice cream. By the way, can you get me… [insert favourite snack].”
“Wow”
Why this sucks: Ugh, I have heard this word a lot from certain family members and I just roll my eyes a little every single time. We’re not freak show exhibits, we’re just pregnant people doing something that is VERY natural to do. Unless that wow is going to be followed by “- you’re glowing!” just stop the sentence before it slips out.
How to Reply: Just cut them off before they can say anything else rude and reply, “I know right?! My body is BANGING!” Then strut away.
“Oh wow, well I guess you’re eating for two with a meal like that.”
Why this sucks: See why I put this on the list of what not to say to a pregnant woman? It rarely ends well. People love to watch pregnant people stuff their face, as if it’s some kind of Olympic spectator sport with non-stop commentary. The same way you wouldn’t (hopefully) make a bitchy comment about how much someone else is eating when they’re not expecting, you should really just zip it when there’s a baby growing inside. While no, pregnant people don’t usually need to double their caloric intake, they do need to eat more and they shouldn’t be shamed for doing what is best for babe. If this is consistently an issue, see this article on a wide range of comments and responses related to food shaming.
How to Reply: “Isn’t it amazing that I’m able to listen and pay attention to my body to help nourish my baby? It’s definitely a skill more people need to practice.”
As you can see, pregnant people put up with a hell of a lot more than just sore backs, bad sleep and morning sickness. And asshole remarks don’t make it any easier. I’ve written about my own experience gaining weight while pregnant here, and whenever I hear these statements I worry about how women may react. Those who have maybe struggled with body image or disordered eating in the past may have a particularly hard time dealing with the bodily changes associated with pregnancy. So when you make a comment, even a well-intentioned one, you may be setting her off on a dangerous path. So please, stop and think before you speak, and memorize this list (and consider any other associated statements) before visiting a pregnant friend or family member and just stop saying shit to pregnant women about their bodies.
For my mommas and momma-to-be’s out there, what shit have you heard said to pregnant women about their body that you think is rude?
Leave me a comment below with your thoughts!
More Blog Posts You Might Like:
If you liked this blog post discussing what not to say to a pregnant woman, then you might also enjoy more blog posts on pregnancy:
- Low Carb Pregnancy: Can it Cause Birth Defects?
- Not Losing Weight Breastfeeding? Does Breastfeeding Cause Weight Loss or Weight Gain?
- Mom Guilt | My Breastfeeding Story
- Pregnancy Lessons I’ve Learned About My Body, Weight Gain and Nutrition While Growing a Baby
- 6 Pregnancy Nutrition Myths That are Total BS: Part 1
- Even More Pregnancy Nutrition Myths That We’re Sick of Debunking: Part 2
What is the worst thing someone has said to you while pregnant about your body?
Updated on August 30th, 2022
Abbey Sharp is a Registered Dietitian (RD), regulated by the Ontario College of Dietitians. She is a mom, YouTuber, Blogger, award winning cookbook author, media coach specializing in food and nutrition influencers, and a frequent contributor to national publications like Healthline and on national broadcast TV shows.
vinod gupta says
Feeding your baby the right foods during pregnancy is crucial for healthy brain development.
Wendy says
i politely said ‘no thank” when someone asked to touch my belly… her response was: “well you shouldn’t be wearing tight clothes if you don’t want people touching your belly”
WTF….
Abbey Sharp says
ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I would LOSE IT.
Megan Geiger says
Thank you for writing this article! I’m an RD as well and when I was pregnant with my second baby I was doing outpatient counseling. So many of my clients just had to comment on my body. It was hard enough listening to people talk about food all day long when the thought of food made me nauseated, but the body comments were extra brutal. People forget their manners around pregnant women.
Abbey Sharp says
totally they do!
Scott Manuel says
Before you start on your post-pregnancy weight loss journey, the first thing you should do is set a realistic weight loss goal. Remember, it takes 9+ months to put on the weight and it can take you 9+ months to take it off! Be patient. It’s going to take more than a juice cleanse or a detox to get to where you want to be.
Abbey Sharp says
For sure. I will not be doing any juice cleanses or detox. Thanks for your comment 🙂
Brenda Sestito says
I worked in a clothing store after I had my second child. LOVED it when people would come in asking for a gift for so-and-so….”she’s about your size, you’re what about 1XL?
Like….surrrrriously?!!
Abbey Sharp says
omg people..
Ainsley says
Great article and you look fabulous!! I just delivered our daughter last week and had SO many comments throughout my pregnancy about my weight from friends, family and strangers – everything from asking how much weight I’d gained (really?!) to “not enough” to “you don’t look pregnant” to “wow, your belly is so big!” and “I bet you’ll be glad to get back to normal size.” ????????????♀️ It’s really none of their business!
Abbey Sharp says
totally isn’t! I don’t get it! Thanks for sharing Ainsley
Kate says
Awesome article Abbey!!! Shared in my mommy group! Everything you said is sooo completely relatable! Please keep us posted
Once baby arrives ❤❤
Abbey Sharp says
aw so glad! Thanks for sharing Kate!
Rhona says
It has been many many years since I was pregnant, and I still remember how I felt about total strangers touching my stomach and commenting on it. I have no idea why a pregnant belly is seen as community property.
Abbey Sharp says
right! So not right. It wouldn’t be right in any other situation so why is it with a pregnant woman?!
dixya @food, pleasure, and health says
yesss while i have never been through that experience myself but body shaming is so common…i will need to utilize some of those tips and definitely pass this along to my friends.
Mel says
The worst one I got was when my husband and I told a very close family member we were expecting and the first thing he asked was, “So, are you going to have to start watching your weight?” WTH?! I gave the benefit of the doubt that he was in shock from just finding out he was going to be a grandpa (yep, father-in-law). However, I don’t know what to think since he asked the same thing when I became pregnant with number 2!
Abbey Sharp says
What?! That’s so crazy, especially when it comes from family.
Chrissy @ Snacking in Sneakers says
Ha, I remember when I was at the mall 3 days before my due date and this dude who worked in the pretzel kiosk noticed me walking by, and said “WOAH! You are HUGE!”. But then he gave me a free pretzel, so I guess it all worked out in the end, lol.