In this candid tell-all, I share my story about what weight gain taught me about fatphobia, losing control, “Set Point” theory & acceptance, as well as what to do when you gain weight unexpectedly.
Hey all, happy new year! While usually this time of year I am fighting the hard fight against unrealistic weight loss goals and cleanses, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on something really real that I’ve been struggling with. Gaining weight.
I know, I can see a lot of you are probably rolling your eyes in a “join the club” chorus, but here’s the thing – I never thought it would happen to me. Sound familiar? Read on.
Let me tell you a story.
I used to be the skinny, lanky, string-bean girl in school. My biggest insecurity for most of my life was having pencil-thin arms and a gaping space between my legs (something the internet has now labelled desirable under the affectionate moniker “the thigh gap”.) I eventually “filled out” and settled into my comfortable weight of 125 lbs. I should mention that I never weigh myself at home, but I do occasionally see the number on the scale with my doctor or dietitian and so I know that 125 lbs is where I have been for most of my adult and young adult life. While that may seem low or high to you in the context of your life, this was the number that felt “normal” to me.
This “normal weight” is what we call “set point”, or the idea that our bodies have a pre-determined weight range, and they will defend that weight despite changes to our caloric input and output. My adult set point had always been around the 125 lb mark.
That is, until last September. Within what felt like a matter of just a few weeks this past fall, I gained 12 lbs and grew out of ALL of my clothes. Oy, even brand new bras I had just bought a month before no longer could contain my girls. This would have made total sense had I crash dieted before my wedding and binged for weeks after, but that wasn’t the case. In fact, I had purposefully worked on building metabolism boosting muscle and eating MORE in the months leading up to my wedding, only to continue on my fitness journey after the big day.
So WTF happened? I’m not totally sure (and yes, it’s literally my job to be able to figure these things out). It could have been a shock to my body after coming off the birth control pill (something I had relied on for 15 years), or maybe despite my best efforts to eat mindfully, maybe I was taking in a wee bit more calories on recipe testing days for my book. Either way, it seemed like a fast dramatic leap considering my body’s long history at 125 lbs and the consistency of my lifestyle.
Now I wish I could put on my weight-neutral dietitian hat and tell you that I just brushed it off because the research suggests that weight doesn’t matter. I wish I could tell you that I embraced my changed body and bought a whole new wardrobe with enthusiasm. I wish I could tell you that I never mourned the body I had felt comfortable in for years that seemingly slipped through my fingers only weeks before. But it would all be a lie.
I’m human, just like all of you. I have insecurities. I have worries. I have deep-seeded beliefs just like all of you. And gaining those 12 lbs helped me unearth some truths I wanted to share with you.
[clickToTweet tweet=”Weight gain got you down? I share my experience and offer suggestions on getting out of the funk!” quote=”Weight gain got you down? I share my experience and offer suggestions on getting out of the funk!” theme=”style1″]
Lessons from Gaining Weight
We Hate Losing Control
I’m the first to admit it, I’m a total control freak and had struggled with controlling the quality of my diet in the past with orthorexia. Since then, I worked SUPER hard to improve my relationship with food so that I felt I was putting the control in my body’s court, and I was just responding by nourishing it accordingly. I felt good about my progress and it seemed to be working well. I got hungry, I ate. I felt satisfied, I stopped. The routine was working well since I rarely let myself get too hungry or too full and my body was getting stronger. But when I suddenly gained weight unexpectedly, I felt like maybe the communication between my body and brain was failing. And if something unexplainable was failing that I didn’t know how to fix, I worried I no longer could predict the outcome of me listening to my body. Was I just going to continue to grow and grow and grow uncontrollably while listening to my body? Was the only way for it to stop to break this trust I had built with my body? It was a confusing and frustrating place to me.
Our Set Point Can Change
That brings me to my next learned lesson- set point theory. A lot of people get stuck reminiscing about the weight or dress size they “always were” when they were younger, making it next to impossible to ever accept what age and other life stages (ie. Pregnancy) may bring. I used to see family around me complain all the time about their aging body and I would roll my eyes and think they were silly for expecting they would fit into their 20-year old jeans. Now that I’m there myself, I understand the disappointment. When you’ve been buying the same size jeans for 15 years, and eating the same amount since highschool, a sudden shift feels like you no longer “know” your body. Now you’ve got to relearn how much food you need to satisfy hunger, how big a slice of cake you can have before you feel sick, and how many minutes in the gym will help stimulate muscle growth. You’ve got to figure all of this out WHILE coming to terms with the fact that your damn expensive clothes don’t fit. It fucking sucks.
While I always “knew” that set points can change, I now know from experience that they may seem finite when we’re happy in them, but changes in metabolism and hormone levels can cause big changes over time. I’m almost 30 now and every year I have worked harder in the gym and eaten more mindfully and nutritiously only to keep my weight the same. As my body prepares itself for pregnancy (and no, I’m not pregnant now), it only makes sense that it’s going to change beyond my ability to adapt my lifestyle to it.
It’s Easy to Suppress Fatphobia When You’re Thin
In both my professional and personal life, I have supported a weight-neutral approach to food and nutrition. I believe in the research that suggests weight is a poor predictor of health outcomes and therefore promote mindfulness rather than restrictiveness. But until I started to gain weight myself, I never really experienced my own internalized fatphobia that was hidden deep under my own education and surface acceptance. I never had to dig down into those bowels before because I myself, was slim and never struggled with gaining weight.
Seeing myself gain weight so quickly brought forward some pretty ugly thoughts and feelings that I was sure I never had. I felt guilty that I had somehow “failed” at listening to my body (even though I actually know my body likely had its own agenda I couldn’t control.) I looked at myself in recent photos and videos (the terrible reality of working in media) and criticized every lump, bump and curve. I worried for the first time in my life that family were silently judging me when I ordered dessert. If I heard someone passing these types of judgements on someone else, I would literally rip their head off, but I had no such kindness left for myself.
Sometimes when you’re deep into a painful experience, it can seem next to impossible to shift your perspective to what really matters. It’s hard to see the bigger picture and embrace the change as part of the amazing cycle that is life. But I had to find my way out of the funk before it consumed my relationships – those with my husband and with myself. I also knew I needed to build some strategies out now while it was only a stupid 12 lbs- I would have many more life milestones ahead that would bring body changes (like pregnancy, for example).
So I resolved to make some fundamental changes to my mindset with these easy steps.
Stop Fighting It
I could have continued to try to exercise more and eat less to adjust for my age-related slowing metabolism or shift in reproductive hormones, but I didn’t want to do more harm than good. I know that dieting and restricting calories often only leads to a reduced metabolism which can then lead to further weight gain.
Focus on the Positives
Over the past year, I have gained a shit ton of muscle and that was my original goal. Maybe your positive is that gaining weight gave you boobs you always wanted (okay that’s enough plus for me), or it boosted your mood, or you sleep better.
Throw Out Old Clothes
Feeling uncomfortable tight clothing seemed to always elicit a mini meltdown so I vowed to pack up any dresses or pants that no longer fit and go shopping for some new clothes that made me look and feel great. I realize this isn’t an option for everyone, but this may be a good opportunity to partake in a clothing exchange or spend an afternoon exploring the goods at your local Value village.
Question the Media
Not that I’ve ever been a “People Magazine” kinda girl, but I definitely made an extra effort not to look at some of the unrealistic images in the media. Instead, I started watching more stand up comedy and improv where you see men and women rocking a wide range of sizes and shapes. And man are they confident. That confidence is totally addictive so binge watch away.
Surround Yourself with Body Positive People
When it comes to body talk, we have two types of people in our lives- ones that eat whatever they want (healthy or not so healthy) but they keep the food and body shaming to themselves. They don’t criticize their own bodies and they don’t comment on anyone elses. It’s like they just don’t think about it. Then there are those who are always pointing out their flaws and talking about their diets. If you’re struggling with silent negative self talk, try to surround yourselves with the former group. The less you hear about it, the more you’ll realize no one gives a shit and you shouldn’t either.
Guys, I am not perfect, but I have learned a lot about myself through this experience and have come out a much stronger, more resilient person. Some people spend their whole life waffling between struggling to lose weight and making peace with their bodies after unexpected weight gain, and some just never even think acceptance is an option. I am sure I will have bad days, but I’m feeling pretty good about where I’m at now- 12 extra pounds and all.
Now I want to know:
Have you gained weight unexpectedly?
What did you do?
What did you feel?
What are your experiences with fatphobia?
How did you get over it and recover your relationship with your body?
Leave me a comment- I would love to hear your story!
Updated on October 23rd, 2020

Abbey Sharp is a Registered Dietitian (RD), regulated by the Ontario College of Dietitians. She is a mom, YouTuber, Blogger, award winning cookbook author, media coach specializing in food and nutrition influencers, and a frequent contributor to national publications like Healthline and on national broadcast TV shows.
Maddy says
Welcome and just wait hehe
Laurie Free says
Im literally in middle of a blog piece about this very topic right now. for me it all comes back to acceptance but how mind places so many games with that word…”acceptanc”
Goodnesss…I could so relate to the part about “relying on what my body needs ..trusting it”. ..I’ve been through the ringer with this one!! I had a fantastic metabolism..then destroyed it with anorexia..managed to get it somewhat back on track.
Now in my mid 40s..I feel like back in that “place”
I’ve always wanted to be a body image consultant..but I have to start with myself first.
Great blog. Thank you!!
Abbey Sharp says
That’s awesome to hear. Thank you so much for sharing
Katie says
Also an RD, about to turn 35, and recently gained weight. In my case, I’m pretty sure it’s related to recent stress (we’ve sold a house and are building a new one), and a lack of self care. Last night was my first yoga class in a month and I think I’ve eaten dessert more often than not recently. I’ve also not been sleeping great, which I think plays a huge role with everything else! So I’m really focusing on self care this week, just thinking more about what I’m eating/if I’m full, going to yoga and aiming for an early bedtime. The struggle is real!
Abbey Sharp says
thanks so much for sharing this Katie. I agree, its so hard to stay on top and take care of ourselves but sounds like you have a plan.
Kathleen says
I really enjoyed reading this article! It really struck a chord with me… I am an RD as well and struggling with coming to terms with my own body change (psoriasis flare rather than a weight change). Frustration with the appearance of my skin has definitely led to emotional eating, something I haven’t struggled with in this way before (and then the subsequent “I should know better” guilt)! Thank so much for sharing your story!
Abbey Sharp says
Thanks for sharign Kathleen. It’s so tough, i have skin issues myself, but we have to focus on the small things that make us feel great.
Marsha says
Thanks for sharing Abbey.
I’ve been on a whirlwind with my weight as well. Within the past 5 years I’ve dealt with so many things including the dietetic internship, moving constantly, and a lupus scare. I’ve been on a line of feeling insecure about not fitting my clothes and having a pouch but then also remembering to be body positive.
Thanks for the reminder that sometimes things happen.
Salut!
Abbey Sharp says
Hey Marsha! Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you’ve been super busy. Keep it up 🙂
Anna says
Wow, this totally hit home for me. I’m a college student who was an athlete in high school, and my friends and teammates always commended me for how fit/strong/skinny/etc I was. I secretly loved it and always felt confident in my skin or when vacationing with friends/family. With the stress of starting college, a surgery that left me unable to exercise for 12 weeks, and an aging body (even though I’m only 19), I found myself gaining weight within the past year. I’m an RD2B, so I feel like I should have it together when it comes to this kind of stuff, but I totally don’t. I know my weight and body fat shouldn’t matter to me as much as I let them, but it’s hard to see girls who can seemingly eat whatever they want and not work out, yet maintain their slim physique, while I bust my butt in the gym for hours each week and try to eat all my servings of vegetables each day, yet feel my clothes remain tight! I come from a family where my slim high school body was an anomaly, so the set point theory and genetics make me feel a little better – like I have something to blame for this “inevitable” weight gain.
As a nutrition student, I obviously pay attention to and care about what I’m putting in my body. But, living in a sorority house with 50 other girls can wreak havoc on my self esteem. I am going to work on surrounding myself with more people who care LESS about what they eat. Sorry for the novel, but thank you SO much for sharing!
Abbey Sharp says
Hey Anna! Thanks so much for sharing your story. It’s really important to surround yourself with positive people! SO keep that up. Good luck with the RD training as well 🙂
Mariana says
I’m also a dietitian and almost 30 ! About 5 months ago I stopped taking the birth control and my weight went up (4 kg) but after a while my weight went back to normal, for me was all about hormones, nothing we can control there
Abbey Sharp says
exactly! my weight has gone down about 5 lbs since the original spike but yes, its hormones, and I truly believe that.
Jenn says
I was laid off from my job last year and over the course of eight months, I put on 8 pounds. This was a huge amount for me, because my body had always stayed the same, regardless of what I ate or how much I exercised. My doctor sent me for a bunch of tests, and everything came back normal. Physically, there was nothing wrong with me but mentally, I was freaking out. I felt like this was the beginning of a slow progression towards obesity. I was stressed and anxious all the time, and the wieght gain just made everything worse. I’d like to tell you that I either lost the excess 8 pounds or made peace with it, but neither of those things have have happened yet. What I HAVE done though, is pick up running again because of how it makes me FEEL. And I’ve started to pay more attention to how certain foods make me FEEL when I eat them. (Protein and veggies give me energy, sugar messes with my reavtive hypoglycemia and makes my stomach upset.) I’m hoping that if I continue down this path, things will eventually normalize again. I’m not willing to throw all my clothes out just yet though – I spent too much money on my wardrobe for that!
Abbey Sharp says
i hear you!! it is tough. and yes i hate giving things away, but for me, it helped me move on.
Wendy says
Make sure you have your thyroid checked, jic.
Abbey Sharp says
YES i did actually and it was fine!
Kayla @ Blondes have more run says
Ugh that damn recipe testing gets ya every time, doesn’t it?! Great post though! I really enjoyed reading it and can very much relate!
Abbey Sharp says
thanks so much, so glad you liked
Chrissy says
Wonderful post and thanks for sharing. I completely understand the set point as I seemed to weigh the same amount for years and years. Then I had 3 pregnancies in about 4 years. Talk about adjusting to body and weight changes. I was a fitness nut so I was not a fan of being pregnant. And after my 3rd baby, I actually lost 10 pounds. But it was pretty much muscle weight which I didn’t think was good. I don’t focus so much on weight though. I focus on how I feel. Do I feel strong? Do I feel confident and healthy? I’m working on getting that all back now that my life has changed so much. And I’m sure as I approach 40, I’ll have more changes to roll with. Way to recognize and work through your thoughts and feelings on the subject!
Abbey Sharp says
thank you Chrissy!! So glad you liked and could relate.
Sarah says
First thank you for opening up and sharing your story, I know it will help so many people. I’ve been through many of these changes as I age, having eating issues as a teenager, two pregnancies 5 years apart, fertility treatments, hormone issues, Celiac diagnoses (yrs later finding out it’s a sensitivity), food sensitivities, and of course aging. After my second daughter and failed fertility treatments I decided to take back my body, stretchmarks, changes and all. I got in the best shape of my life probably 3-4 years ago and it was eye opening at my age to be in great shape I tried to push it farther but could never get those perfect abs (not that they mattered anyway with my post pregnancy belly and stretch marks). It didn’t hit me until a little over a year or so ago recovering still from physical injury and still trying to push myself that I need to love my body more imperfections and all. Especially with two girls ages 8 and 13 watching so closely. So I focus on eating healthy, exercising to feel good, and I no longer step on the scale (well every now and then I do when at the doctor or there is a reason but it doesn’t define me). I know as I’m now getting closer to 40 than 30 that my body will continue to change whether I like or fight it or not.
P.S. Getting off the birth control can be a huge part of that weight gain.
Abbey Sharp says
hey sarah, thank you for sharing your story. And yes, i totally hear you on all this. I’m not even quite 30 yet (11 more months), so I have a lot more body changes ahead – especially as I myself struggle with infertility and who knows that kind of road that will take me on (meds wise). Thanks again for sharing!
Carissa says
I have always felt that the most difficult part of being a dietitian is the fact (or at least the belief) that people have certain expectations about what you eat and what your body looks like. This makes changes to body shape/size all the more difficult (as if it was easy to start with). Thanks so much for this personal story. So many of us can definitely relate.
Abbey Sharp says
oh yes, absolutely. its hard enough being a woman, but a woman who specializes in nutrition who is supposed to have her shit together is brutal.
Deborah @ Confessions of a mother runner says
Definitely a touchy subject for me. I have found it much harder to control my weight in my 40’s. Hormonal and metabolism changes are hard to fight. I know it’s normal but it’s not always easy
Abbey Sharp says
thanks for that Deborah. It’s not easy but we have to get through it.
Melanie says
Such a great post. I too am an RD in my early 30’s and have easily maintained the same weight (~121 lb) for about 10 years now. Recently in the course of a few months I experienced the same thing (10-15 lb weight gain although my workout and eating habits were still overall quite good). It really set me back and I’ve been struggling to right my mindset and get comfortable with this new weight when I feel uncomfortable in my body/clothes, etc. Thanks for sharing so openly.
Abbey Sharp says
yes Melanie, I totally agree. It’s a huge challenge but glad we’re in it together.